From the Founder, Brian Mazza 3/25
Chase The Feeling
Why Attachment Theory Changed the Way I See Parenting and Coaching
I have been spending a lot of time recently studying one simple question:
How do I get the absolute most out of my two boys?
Not just performance.
Not just results.
But confidence.
Resilience.
Identity.
And it led me back to something I have been building in my own life for years:
The CTF Theory. Chase The Feeling.
The Pattern I Could Not Ignore
When I zoomed out and looked at every meaningful outcome in my life, there was a common thread.
It was never just discipline.
It was never just strategy.
It was a feeling I kept chasing.
The feeling of progress
The feeling of being seen
The feeling of growth
The feeling of proving something to myself
And the more I chased that feeling, the more consistent I became.
The more consistent I became, the better the outcomes.
So I asked myself:
Where does that feeling come from?
The Moment It Clicked
While going deeper on this, I came across the work of John Bowlby and his research on attachment theory.
And it hit me.
This was not random.
This was not luck.
This was built early.
What Attachment Theory Actually Is
Attachment theory is simple, but it is everything.
It explains how a child’s early relationship with their parents shapes:
How they handle pressure
How they respond to failure
How they build confidence
How they pursue growth
How they see themselves
At its core, every child is asking one question over and over again:
Am I safe enough to go for it?
If the answer is yes, you get a completely different human.
Secure vs Insecure Foundations
When a child grows up with what is called secure attachment, they develop:
Confidence without arrogance
Independence without fear
Resilience without panic
The ability to take risks
Why?
Because they know one thing:
Connection is not removed when they fail.
Now flip that.
When that connection is inconsistent, conditional, or unclear, you get hesitation.
Fear of failure
Playing small
Looking for validation
Avoiding pressure
Not because they are weak.
Because their foundation is unstable.
Why This Hit Me Personally
As I sat with this, it all came full circle.
Growing up, my parents created an environment where:
I felt supported
I felt seen
I knew where I stood
I knew I could take risks
And the crazy part is, they probably were not studying any of this.
But they got it right.
And because of that, I have spent my entire life chasing feelings tied to growth, challenge, and progress.
Not fear.
Not approval.
Progress.
Now I Put My Coaching Hat On
The second this clicked for me as a parent, I immediately shifted to coaching.
Because this is where most people miss.
Most coaches focus on:
Tactics
Systems
Reps
Outcomes
But they ignore the foundation that drives all of it.
The emotional environment.
How Attachment Theory Applies to Coaching
If you want to build elite performers, you need to build secure environments.
That means:
Your athletes know:
Where they stand
What is expected
That mistakes will not cost them your respect
This does not mean soft.
This means stable.
The Formula That Changes Everything
Here is the unlock:
Connection creates safety
Safety creates confidence
Confidence creates aggressive action
Aggressive action creates growth
That is the chain.
Break the first link, and everything downstream suffers.
What This Looks Like in Real Coaching
This is not theory. This is practical.
After a mistake
Most coaches react with frustration.
High performance coaches do this instead:
Connection first
“I love the effort. Stay aggressive.”
Correction second
“Now here is how we fix it.”
That order matters more than people think.
In training environments
Effort is non negotiable
Standards are clear
Feedback is consistent
But the athlete never feels like one mistake removes their place.
That is how you get players who:
Take risks
Play fast
Compete freely
Where CTF and Attachment Collide
This is where it all ties together.
If a child or athlete grows up in a secure environment, they start to associate:
Effort with reward
Growth with satisfaction
Challenge with opportunity
And now they begin to Chase The Feeling
Not because you told them to.
Because they experienced it.
Over and over again.
The Real Goal
As a parent and as a coach, the goal is not control.
The goal is not perfection.
The goal is to build someone who:
Feels safe enough to push themselves beyond what you can even demand
Because once they own that feeling, you no longer need to push them.
They push themselves.
Final Thought
You do not build elite performers by constantly applying pressure.
You build them by creating an environment where they can handle pressure.
And that starts early.
It starts at home.
It carries into coaching.
And it shows up in everything they do.
