From the Founder, Brian Mazza 3/18
Are you a The Giver, The Matcher, The Taker
Some of my most in depth conversations do not happen in boardrooms.
They happen in between sets.
They happen on the turf.
They happen when the heart rate is up, the guard is down, and the conversation is real.
Lately, a lot of those conversations have been with Pete Kolash from my HPLT Performance Club.
Pete and I train at the same time, and without fail, we are always exchanging ideas. What we are reading. What we are seeing. What is actually working in youth performance. What is broken in both youth and adult development.
No fluff. No theory without application.
Just real conversations around how to build better humans.
The Conversation That Opened It Up
The other day we got into a quick conversation about something that seems small on the surface.
Giving opportunities to other kids.
Specifically, kids my son is friends with in soccer.
Who do you bring into environments
Who do you advocate for
Who do you help get access
It was a quick exchange.
But Pete paused and brought up Adam Grant and his work around Givers, Takers, and Matchers.
And just like that, the conversation went from surface level to something much deeper.
From there, we opened the Pandora’s box.
And as always, my performance coach Tommy added another layer that forced us to look at it through a completely different lens.
The Framework That Changed the Way I See People
There are three types of people in every room, every locker room, every business, every team.
The Giver
Leads with value
These are the people who look to help, connect, teach, and elevate others.
They give their time
They give their energy
They give their network
But here is where most people get it wrong.
Givers are at the bottom and the top.
Because there are two types.
The ones who give without structure and burn out
And the ones who give with intention and build empires
The Taker
Leads with self
These are the people who walk into every room asking one question.
What can I get
They take credit
They avoid responsibility
They use people as stepping stones
And here is the dangerous part.
They often win early
But they never win long
Because eventually, the room sees them clearly
And once trust is gone, the game is over
The Matcher
Keeps score
This is where most people live
I will help you if you help me
I will give if you give
It feels fair
It feels safe
But it rarely creates anything special
Because it is always operating in balance instead of expansion
The Real Lesson We Landed On
This is where the conversation got real.
The highest performers are not takers.
They are not matchers.
They are givers.
But not the weak version.
The disciplined version.
The High Performance Giver
This is the lane.
This is the standard.
A High Performance Giver:
Gives with intention
Gives with standards
Gives without needing immediate return
But is extremely selective with access
They understand something most people never learn.
Giving is not the risk
Uncontrolled access is
How This Applies to That Original Question
Back to the conversation about kids and opportunities.
Just because your child is friends with someone
Does not mean they get access to the same rooms
That is not harsh
That is leadership
Because environments matter
Standards matter
Energy matters
And who you allow into those environments will either elevate the group or dilute it
The Parenting Layer
This hit me hard.
Because as parents, we want to be generous.
We want to include.
We want to help.
But we also have a responsibility.
To protect the environment our kids are developing in
To teach them that access is earned, not assumed
To show them that being a giver does not mean being taken advantage of
The Business and Life Layer
Same rules apply.
If you are building anything meaningful:
Your circle matters
Your standards matter
Your filters matter
Too many takers in your world and everything slows down
The right group of disciplined givers and everything compounds
The Line That Stayed With Me
Give freely
But do not give access freely
Final Thought
Most people are playing a short term game.
Transaction after transaction
Keeping score
Trying to win small moments
The real ones build something different.
